In belated honor of V-day, I thought I'd blog about a more personal subject--dating--as it relates to medical education. Initially, I thought the two were completely independent, but then I had a conversation with a good friend of mine who is a fourth year, and was on her residency interview circuit at the time. The conversation went something like:
"Hey Jane! I'm a lowly second year desperate to live vicariously through your oh-so-exciting life as a big, bad fourth year. Tell me all about all the awesome residency programs you've visited."
"Hey CC. The interview trail has been great--I loved program X in particular. Wonderful training, great educational atmospherics, beautiful hospital, friendly people, all that..."
"And?!?! Sounds perfect!"
"And it's in the middle of nowhere, and everyone, including every other interviewee, was married." [Tragic circumstances ended Jane's long-term committed relationship late in her 3rd year.] "I'm just not sure I want to spend 4+ years in a place where I'm the only singleton. The program director asked me if I needed any more info, and when I asked to speak with any other female resident who entered the program single, it took him weeks to find one!"
And, sho' 'nuff, Program X didn't make Jane's top 4 in her final rank list. It had never even occurred to me to look at that dimension of a program, or more accurately, its location but I've been mulling it over ever since we had that conversation, and she's so right. When you think about it (I have) the complications of finding a partner while in medical training are myriad:
1. If you want to date non-medical types, you have to try to explain why your schedule is miserable, why you're exhausted during your free time, why studying for an exam that's 3 months away is a big deal, and all of this is AFTER you find someone non-medical during all that extra free time not spent in the library, the gym, etc. If it weren't for the Internet, I'd never have had met anyone to go out with; I can't blame the lack of a sustained relationship entirely on my lifestyle, but that's no small part of my, erm, less than stellar dating life;
2. If you DO want to date a medical type, then you have the fishbowl problem: medical schools and hospitals are just big fishbowls where everyone always sees--and discusses with aplomb--everyone else's social life. I've seen and heard of med student relationships go wrong in the first two years, and wow, talk about uncomfortable. It can only be marginally better in a hospital. And again, all this is only a problem if you can get past the initial hierarchy issues. For example, I'm a few years older than most of my classmates, and I routinely date people 5-9 years older than I am--that puts me squarely in med student/resident territory, and deity help me if he happens to be very junior faculty; that kind of thing is just not done. Nevermind that it's frowned upon by lots of very important folks with titles like "Dean", "Chair", etc. The chemistry would have to be off the chart for a resident or attending to violate the social hierarchy, not to mention any guidelines, explicit or otherwise, regarding relations between teachers and students. Given the number of male nurses, the student doctor/nurse scenario doesn't worry me too much, but I do wonder about my male colleagues and what would happen if one of them started dating one of the nurses while on clerkship...
Oiy, I'm demoralized (again) just thinking about it. Now I realize there are all kinds of exceptions, and people find each other every day despite these and worse circumstances. I'm just saying that, from a theoretical perspective, it's a challenging problem. My mother would tell me that this stuff just always works out, and worrying it to death is pointless. She's usually right, and no doubt in my mind she's right about this, too. You'll be shocked to learn, I'm sure, that I'm a compulsive worrier about life issues. Nevertheless, Program X has been knocked down a couple of pegs in my own "potential residency spots" list...
Hey CC - That is a legitimate concern and one I hadn't thought about really... What it makes me wonder is how that plays into the physician shortage in rural/exurban areas. Think about it - most med students are accepted right out of college, from my experience those types aren't married and less likely to be in a long term relationship entering school. Then they go through their school years without much chance to meet anyone (aside from classmates/hospital folk/faculty) and when it comes time to do residency selections the thoughts you are having and your friend go through their head: how the heck am I gonna meet someone living well, 500 miles west of Heck?
Don't mean to turn this into a policy post, but it is interesting how selection factors for medical school and the tendency NOT to give anyone, er, more experienced - read: married non-trads - a chance(22yo's have the highest acceptance RATES), can play into geographic physician shortages and our professions tendency to flock to big cities...
Posted by: John | February 18, 2010 at 06:05 AM
Interesting topic. By the way I agree with John. Most fresh graduate students were being accepted right away.
Posted by: Amega Products | February 28, 2010 at 05:33 AM